October 8 2026

How are you, Reader?

No really, how are you?

I want you to tell me, and that's why I asked.

If I didn't want to know, and I asked any way, I could claim that I am just being polite, doing what people do to say hi, but I don't really believe it's all that polite.

“I hate how are you” said a client two days back. They were not the first ones to express this sentiment, and I tend to agree.

The conversation we had after was a perfect example of the unexpectedly juicy thing that Stability in Motion sessions produces. The ways this talk unfolded left both of us breathing more easefully, having more space in our chests, and feeling more light on our feet, despite this being a virtual meeting where no touch therapy occurred. That is that magic of this type of work - Embodied Work.

Come on over to the open house next Friday (rsvp by getting a free ticket) to celebrate 10 years of this work, meet cool people, and have a look at the space where The School of Embodied Works lives - the space I'll be teaching other people to do this juicy Embodied Work.

Back to the how are you topic - I wrote more about how the conversation went over at the substack, you should check it out if you haven't already, I write more deeply there, and more candidly (plus the money from paid subscriptions goes directly into a school fund to offer scholarships for tuition). Here, instead of telling you the exact same thing, I wanted to ask you some questions, and I'd genuinely love your answers:

When someone asks how are you and you are having a really shitty day/week/month - hi all my depressive friends out there! I'm with ya! - what happens in you?

It makes me feel kinda trapped. Like, if I actually tell you how I am, I will need to handle how you respond to me, which might be fine if you respond well, but might really suck if you get all weird about it. I won't know what's worse - you actually trying to talk to me about why I'm not okay or you ignoring that I said it in the first place.

And then if I don't tell you I'm not okay, and I'm just like - "great! how are you" I'll be sitting there feeling acutely aware of how not great I am, and how alone I am in that feeling, and how I'm so much, like too much, for everyone to the point where I can't even answer a simple question like "how are ya" without having an existential crisis.

So when I am not feeling well, I hate this question. And when I'm doing well, sometimes I hate it to, because sometimes I'll share some really awesome-to-me reasons why I am feeling good, and the person who asked me is sitting there clearly uninterested and just wanting to move on with whatever they had in mind, because they weren't really asking how I was they were just saying hi in a culturally sanctioned way.

Despite this, I still ask it, and often. Personally, I know I'm pretty down to hear someone's genuine reply and be there for it - present and alert, ready to roll with what they got - but not always. Most of the time, any way. Sometimes though, I'm just that hypocrite who does the thing they just finished saying other people shouldn't do, asking a personal question of someone that I don't actually have the time or mental space to hold well, let alone emotional space.

So, my main question for you is - what do you do instead?

What should we say when we want to say "hello" without saying "hello"?

I am open to all answers - the ones you actually use in daily life, and the funky ones you are coming up with right now as you've been reading.

Let me know, Reader - and then tell me how you are, if and only if you feel like sharing.

Kate

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